BJP - Befuddled Janata Party

Writing about BJP after 4 consecutive blogposts where I haven't even remotely mentioned them is like breaking a fast. It is apt as today is the Jain religion's conclusion of Pajushan where people break their fasts anyway. I had promised myself 5 consecutive blogposts but I guess I have passed 80% (4/5).

I don't have a habit of beating people who are down and out so I'll try to be very objective in what I am saying. It is very obvious that the BJP is extremely confused about ideology, history and political strategy. For the vocabularily challenged, 'befuddled' is the synonym for 'confused' and hence the title.

What befuddles ME is how a 'liberal democrat' like Jaswant Singh spent 30 years in a conservative fascist setup? Worst of all, he seems so intellectually gifted. How could the bigots in the Bigoted Janata Party (BJP) tolerate the rise of such an intellectual is even more befuddling. What is not befuddling is that like true fascists, they expelled him without any warning! His revelations about Vajpayee have been alarming to say the least. His total rejection of the hardcore rightist philosophy is also very significant. But the beans have been spilled after he was expelled and I'm glad he was expelled as if he were to still remain in the party, the revelations would not have come out.

They also seem to be in a catch-22 situation. If they become a moderate centre-right party, it will demotivate their bigoted cadres and anger RSS, VHP, etc. If they continue on the bigoted far-rightist path, they will appear regressive and alienate the educated middle class even further.

The first step would be to change themselves from an MBJP to a WBJP (MisBehaved Janata Party to WellBehaved Janata Party). Their parliament disruption antics don't impress people anymore. Their direct or indirect barbs at Muslims and Christians look very unsavoury even if they still impress a large amount of brainwashed voters. They also need to tone down their rhetoric and stop digging graves from the Congress graveyard as they are highly irrelevant now. Finally, they need to learn from European governments how to become a constructive, civilized opposition.

Being a Benign Janata Party (BJP) will help it regain its 1990s votebank of the educated middle class.

Bad Commercials

The following paragraph is a boring set of calculations. You can choose to skip it and read only the last line of the paragraph.

A 10 second advertising slot during prime time sells for anywhere between Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 2,00,000. Let's assume an average price of Rs. 1,00,000 per 10 seconds. It means that for every 30 second commercial aired on TV, the cost is Rs. 3,00,000. Considering that in 4 hours of prime time (7p.m. to 11p.m.), the commercial is aired 20 times, the cost goes up to 60,00,000. If the primetime shows air 4 times a week, the price per week is Rs. 2,40,00,000. The price per month per prime time slot per channel assuming a 4-week month is Rs. 9,60,00,000. Now let's consider just 4 channels where the commercial airs. Now the cost per month increases to Rs. 38,40,00,000. Assuming the ad agency fees, production costs and cost of airing commercials during non prime time to be a measly 11,60,00,000: the total cost per commercial comes to be Rs. 50,00,00,000. In simpler terms: Rs. 50 crores per month for every 30 second commercial.*

You may be thinking that the money is not going from Khetu's pocket, so why is he so freaking bothered? I am bothered because some of these commercials are so stupid that they make me cringe. If the company is spending so much (even in these times, 50 crores is a lot) to advertise its products, then they better make sure that it is well spent and the advertisement is not ridiculed! It will invariably create a sub-conscious mindset which will ridicule the product itself.

A few examples of bad commercials:
1. Visa Debit Card:
The Plot: An auto-rickshaw driver refuses to ride a passenger to the ATM. Why? Because he believes that withdrawing cash is a waste of time. Why? Because all payments should be done through the visa debit card.
Response: Somebody needs to remind the auto-driver that he needs to install a visa-card machine in his auto, otherwise people who are not allowed to withdraw cash from the ATM will not be able to pay him.
2. Sprite:
The Plot: Few students who are living on rent want to trick aunties in their building to cook food for them. They invite the aunty for dinner, buy Sprite to please her, purposely botch up the cooking so that the aunty feels sorry for them and makes the dinner herself!
Response: This not only bothers me as a consumer, but also as a marketing student. There is a concept called positioning in marketing. Positioning means creating a particular image about the product in the customer's mind. After spending years to position Sprite as a "Seedhi Baat, No Bakwaas" product which describes Sprite's brand personality as a frank, straighforward drink, they come up with this stupid commercial where what the paying guests do is anything but straightforward. This is not only an advertising mishap but a major marketing blunder.
3. Airtel DTH: (added 28/09/2009)
The Plot: Saif Ali Khan compares the telecast of our 'regular' cable TV with that of Airtel DTH. The TV screen is split into 2 halves, the half showing Airtel's picture quality obviously more clearer.
Response: A classic example of insulting the consumer's intelligence. Do I even need to explain how our intelligence is insulted, humiliated and left to the dogs? If you haven't still got the glaring error, then let me explain and before I explain let me suggest that you need to go buy a bigger brain! Here goes: If my picture quality is as bad as shown on the TV since I supposedly do not use Airtel DTH, then HOW will I be able to tell the difference between the blurred and the clear picture quality? Even the doggone Airtel version on the second half of the screen will look the same to me. And if it DOESN'T look the same and DOES look clearer, then I DO NOT need to buy Airtel DTH.

I would blame the marketing managers of companies more for these mishaps than the advertisers themselves. This is because they are the ones approving such balderash which not only costs their company money but also costs their brand dearly.

*-To the best of my knowledge, the cost would be much higher.

Cockiness in the name of Security

Conservatives argue that security is paramount, even if it comes at the cost of liberty, convenience and privacy. Liberals argue the opposite. I argue that there need not be any tradeoff between the two sides as both can coexist if the security agencies get out of their comfort zone.

It is very easy to be clerical about security and bother anyone with questions even if he is 0.1% suspect. It is also very easy to justify it to the public because it is all for the sake of their security. It is also very easy to torture someone on an outside 5% chance that he may be a terrorist. All these things have been done but terrorism still persists in the same magnitude as it was during 9/11.

What is not easy is catching terrorists before they act or immediately after they act. What is not easy is to condemn and blacklist a nuclear powered country which harbours terrorists. What is not easy is to take pains to come out with a better screening process so that ordinary people are not harassed. All these things, if done with a political will can go a long way in eliminating terror.

The recent frisking of Shah Rukh Khan at the Newark airport was unnecessary. It reeked of prejudice, high-handedness, misplaced nationalism as well as stupidity. We've got to get out of the colonial mindset and believe that the US is doing us a favour by letting us in their country and we have to respect their extreme security measures.

Criticizing Shah Rukh Khan is a clear case of shooting the messenger*. Those pseudo-intellectual wannabes who believe that it is fashionable to criticize Shah Rukh Khan ought to be frisked in the same way with some cocky security official asking them a barrage of uncomfortable questions with no access to water, telephone or the loo.

If Barack Obama considers himself to be a true liberal, he should make efforts to remove the nationalistic as well as insular mindset of the American people. He should also make efforts to remove fear and prejudice that has become so well-entrenched among Americans since 9/11.

* - ref Shooting the Messenger

Channel [V]

I sorely miss Channel [V] of the 1990s. It is a part of the Star India Network. It was earlier MTV but later MTV opted out of the Star group and created its own MTV India channel in the latter half of the 90s. In fact, MTV too was fun to watch during that time but it could not match up with Channel [V].

In that decade, music channels had a nonsensical, humourous and a light-hearted attitude. The VJs were intelligent as well as very funny. There was no glamour aspect to the shows, only a fun and lively aspect in addition to great music. Who can forget Javed Jaffery's hosting of Videocon Flashback and Timex Timepass? Also, the pairing of Ranvir Shorey and Vinay Pathak in Channel [V] House Arrest. The Haryanvi Jat Udham Singh was Channel [V]'s mascot, I still remember him pronouncing "Channal V".

Javed Jaffery is the best VJ by far that I have seen. He can even leave the Cyrus Broachas and the Sajid Khans behind. His mimicry was upto the mark, his knowledge of old Hindi music was unmatched and there is no VJ till date who can match his wit. He in fact, taught the world how to mimic Dharmendra and Pran. Vinay and Ranvir was the best VJ pairing, they kept on hurling witty wisecracks at each other. Channel [V] music awards too were bereft of unnecessary glamour but high on the nonsensical fun content.

Most importantly the music: Channel [V] collected the best music from the entire world and played it. That was a period which played English and Hindi music in equal measure. The best thing that Channel [V] could have ever done to me is that they showed snippets of the world's biggest Rock Concert: Woodstock '99. It was 1999 and I was just learning to appreciate rock music and seeing bands like Metallica, Korn, Sheryl Crow, etc perform on stage just boosted my inclination towards Rock after which there was no looking back. In fact, their pick of the top 100 songs in the 20th century too was fantastic.

Unfortunately in the present decade, MTV India turned into a Chitrahaar by continuously doling out Hindi music night and day or trailers of new Hindi movies. I still had hopes from Channel [V] but they too followed suit unfortunately. The VJs became more macho and pretentious. The audience changed from the ones who appreciate good music and wit to the half-baked wannabes. The whole attitude changed towards unnecessary nauseating glamour and machismo.

On the bright side, Channel [V] does seem to be returning to its old nonsensical yet witty self through mascots like the 'Bai' and through shows like Nachle where the cartoon Santa Claus is also a Sardarji. I also find Professor Simpoo Singh to be quite funny. Lola and Tony B are also quite talented with their improv. Now what it needs to do is play better music. One just hopes Channel [V] continues on that path because I've lost all hope from MTV.

Capital Punishment

Guilty as charged
But damn it ain't right,
There is someone else controlling me

Death in the air
Strapped in the electric chair
This can't be happening to me

Who made you God to say
"I'll take your life from you!"

Flash before my eyes
Now it's time to die
Burning in my brain
I can feel the flames

Wait for the sign
To flick the switch of death
It's the beginning of the end

The above lyrics are from the song 'Ride the Lightning' by the Lords of Metal - Metallica. They have written this song in order to protest against the execution of criminals by electrocuting them through the electric chair. Even though it is a well-written song and even though it comes from the pen of none other than the great James Hetfield, I am sorry to say, I disagree. Ironically, I still love that song.

As I have written in this blog before under "Conservative Credentials" I am all for the death penalty. In India it is exercised by judges in the 'rarest of rare' cases. I am writing this in light of the recent judgement passed against 3 terrorists who were involved in the 2003 bomb blasts in South Bombay which killed 53-odd people. This was to avenge the 2002 Gujarat massacres . Killing masses of innocent people who had nothing to do with the 2002 Gujarat massacres falls under the 'rarest of rare' case category for me and hence I cheer the judgement.

I do call myself a liberal but frankly I am more of a centrist with a liberal bias. Also, unlike other pure conservatives, I do respect the liberal arguments against death penalty and I understand where they are coming from but I still disagree. This is what they say:

Argument 1 :-
Liberal's argument: State-sponsored execution reeks of a savage state. It is inhuman and states should set an example of its civility by not exercising this punishment.
My response : I agree that it is an extreme as well as an uncivil step but that is the beauty of the punishment. It announces to the world that: "We may be a soft state but we will readily get our hands dirty if someone threatens the peace and security of civilians. " I guess this sufficiently answers Papa Het's argument too.

Argument 2 :-
Liberal's argument: Death penalty does not act as a 100% deterrent. Crimes still continue to happen.
My response: That is one of the lamest and unfortunately the most popular arguments against death penalty. Firstly, crimes will continue to happen even without it. Secondly, no supporter of death penalty claims that such a punishment will wipe out crime totally. All we are saying that it is a higher level of deterrence. Case in point: the prime accused in the 2003 blasts told the judge that he does not want to be hanged but does not mind spending his entire life in prison; this simply lends credence to my argument that it is a higher level of deterrent and terrorists will now think twice before planting bombs.

I sincerely wish human rights activists focus their energies on issues where innocent humans suffer and not on the human rights of mass murderers.

Also, keeping things in perspective, I will cheer even more when the 3 terrorists are actually hanged. They are all Indians and what they did amounts to treason.

Shooting the Messenger

This blog post is about the actor Emraan Hashmi. But before that, let me explain the term "Shooting the Messenger".

The tyranny of kings in the medieval period is well-known. In many parts of the world they were assumed to be representatives of Gods. The subjects had no option but to genuflect to His Majesty. The kings had a whole battery of wives. These kings were treated like... um... what's the word I'm looking for?... er... ah, yes... 'kings'. In these times communication happened through messengers of the king. These messengers were fleet-footed and used to travel hundreds of miles carrying scrolls of immense importance. If the message they carried had good news, they were overwhelmingly rewarded: "lucky punks" you must be thinking. However, there was a downside, if their messages carried bad news and spoilt the mood of the king, they were impaled with swords and after the gun was invented, they were shot. This was how the term "Shoot the messenger" came into prominence.

Now that you know the background of the term, let me talk about Emraan Hashmi. Wait, let me talk about another problem first and then we'll talk about Mr. Hashmi.

There are various societies in Bombay, some people call them 'posh' societies, which cannot 'tolerate' a Muslim person living among them. The prejudice is highly entrenched. I've been reading about instances where Muslims have been denied a flat in the past too. Also, I belong to a community whose prejudice against Muslims is very rampant, so I am not surprised that such instances happen, especially since most of these so-called 'posh' societies have a large number of Gujaratis residing in them.

Let's come to Emraan Hashmi now. Or let's wait, it would be unfair if I do not put forth the prejudiced people's argument first.

They feel that even an innocent Muslim gentleman cannot be trusted. My argument, no one can be trusted, that is why there is a procedure to check people's backgrounds before allowing them. They say Muslims cook non-veg which cannot be tolerated. My argument, mind your own business!

Now this actor, what's his name, aah yes: Emraan Hashmi has taken the effort to come out with a protest that he has been discriminated against because of his religion while buying a flat. A pretty strong allegation which needs to be checked by the authorities. However, some bigots are accusing the actor of creating a religious bias and thrusting the onus on him to prove the charges. They have even gone to the extent of filing an FIR against him. Just when I make up my mind to write 5 consecutive blogs without BJP bashing, these buggers come out with some new appalling shenanigan which compels me to write about them. By the way, if you haven't got it, the bugger who filed the FIR is a BJP man!

Also, in case you haven't realized it yet, Emraan Hashmi here is the messenger. He has brought the injustice to light. The BJP people are like kings who did not like the message as it pointed a finger towards their prejudiced votebank. This my friends, is a classic case of shooting the messenger.

Note: If Messenger Hashmi's message is found to be false, then punish him but do not punish him for making people aware of the problem.

Ragging

Different people have different opinions on ragging. I not only have an opinion, I also have a question - Why?? Why would any educated person indulge in such sadistic activities? (I assume that the person is educated since he has cleared first year of college). What motivates him/her to go to such lengths? How can a person feel pleasure while torturing another, especially someone junior, belonging to the same college and who has not harmed the person in any way!

I guess it all boils down to insecurity and frustration. Insecurity leads people to stamp their authority over others to get a false feeling of power. Frustration combined with insecurity leads to sadism. Such insecure nutcases deserve nothing less than being arrested by the police. I prefer not to describe the extremes these raggers can go to, especially in hostels. However, they are such extremes that only a supreme sadist can carry them out and that person has gone so far ahead in sadism that rehabilitating him/her is out of question. Heavy punishment will not only act as a deterrent but it will also make other raggers come out of their complacent beliefs that what they do can be called socially acceptable. They need to be made to realize that what they do is abnormal, very abnormal behaviour.

I studied pharmacy in the famous chemical engineering institute UDCT in September 2000. I left it after a month to pursue engineering. I was ragged there and it was pretty harmless, non-physical ragging: not the types you hear in the news. Some people are of the opinion that such ragging is fun. But I do not agree, simply because I could see the madness in my seniors' eyes. I could tell that they were frustrated souls looking for an outlet. Now that I think about it, even such an activity was wrong, since that too reeks of sadism.

Very often the news focuses on victims of ragging or the college authorities. However, the perpetrators are treated as faceless entities. In my opinion, there should me more focus on those culprits and more examples of arrests need to be presented: similar to the recent news of the arrest of students from a Delhi college. If there is regulatory and political will, hostels will become much safer for juniors to live in.

What unnerves me is that such people do exist in civil society. Most of the raggers go scot free when they pass out of college and I shudder to think how they live their lives. I'm sure they make horrible husbands, bosses, fathers, etc. What should society do with such twisted losers?

Foghorn Leghorn

This blog post is about a rooster called Foghorn Leghorn, I say this blog post is about a rooster called Foghorn Leghorn; Foghorn Leghorn that is...

The above paragraph is a good example of how Mr. Foghorn Leghorn speaks. He is a cartoon character who belongs to an era which gave us Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry, Mickey Mouse, etc. However, my favourite character and cartoon series has to be that of this egotistical rooster. You may not have heard much of him but trust me, this rooster is as competent at making us laugh as Bugs Bunny or Tom and Jerry.

He is a part of the Warner Bros.' Looney Tunes gang which include Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, etc. The same guys have also made this rooster.

The plot of this cartoon series is very simple. This rooster has a chhattis ka aakda with a dog in his area. The dog is simply called Mr. Dog. They just do not get along and find ways to outsmart each other all the time. Normally, the rooster is the aggressor, he starts the fight off by waking up Mr. Dog by beating his butt 8 times with a wooden club. Then the dog responds and the fight goes on until the end when the dog generally wins.

Those fights only provide a slapstick comic relief. However, a bigger comic relief is provided by the personality of this rooster. He is egotistical, overconfident and acts as a Mr. know-it-all. He also just can't stop talking and often repeats what he says in the manner I have written the first paragraph.

There is also a twist to the tale: a baby hawk called Henery Hawk. He is this fiesty bird whose hawk breed generally eats chicken. Even though Foghorn Leghorn is 10 times his size, Henery Hawk is often shown trying to catch him and eat him. His cuteness is his bravado! He normally teams up with Mr. Dog to bring Foghorn Leghorn down.

I'm sure you must have seen a lot of Cat vs. Mouse games through Tom and Jerry. Maybe it is time you give a Rooster vs. Dog game a try.

Here is one if his videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94OnHsHTQ8E

Let me know if you want to see more of these...